The Sun’s Smile
Her grandmother used to say, ‘The sun will not smile at a gloomy face. ’ It was her way of telling her to “straighten her face”, to smile. “What do you know about life that you are always frowning?” she would say. And she really did not know much about life then. She was 9. She knew pancakes were delicious, and Mr. Asamoah, her Math teacher, was a wizard who disguised himself as a teacher as an excuse to torture students. But she didn’t know much else. Because of Grandma’s admonishing, Felicia was always conscious of the look on her face. She had to smile, or the sun would not smile at her, and good fortune would not find her. She heard Grandma’s voice every time she was inclined to frown. So she smiled even when there was no need for a smile. She smiled at useless things and strangers who didn’t seem to give a hoot. She smiled at jokes that weren’t funny, at insulting comments people made about her ‘big nyash’. But she never saw the sun smile back. She was 18 now, and all her classmates were heading to university. Even Anokyewaa, the girl Felicia had basically written the WASSCE for. Anokyewaa had asked for help with every single question in the exam hall. At one point, she had asked what paper they were writing on as the objective shading sheets were being shared. She had confidently entered the exam hall with no clue what subject paper she was going to write, because she knew her classmate Felicia, who always smiled, would help her with every single question. And she did help. Felicia smiled tightly and answered, “Chemistry”, and Anokyewaa hummed happily and scribbled the subject title onto her sheet. Five minutes after they received the question papers, the hissing began. “Shhhp…sssss…Feliciaaaa. What’s number 1?” And because she wanted the sun’s smile and good fortune, she’d smiled and whispered back the answer. It was back and forth the entire exam. After the paper, Anokyewaa had sauntered past her without so much as a thank you or a grateful smile. She skipped over to her rich friends bragging about how easy the paper whose subject she hadn’t even been aware of had turned out to be. And now Anokyewaa was off to University, and Felicia wasn’t. Because somehow the girl Felicia had helped passed with 4As and 4Bs, and she herself had failed all of her papers. Except for English, the only paper she hadn’t been seated next to Anokyewaa during. Grandma was dead now. And Felicia had learned a thing or two about life. It didn’t make a difference how much you smiled. The sun only smiled at those it wanted. The world wasn’t fair, or equal. And sometimes people saw your kindness as reason to bite. And the people who told you life was either black and white, would die and leave a world of grey and a billion question marks. Felicia blinked up at the gloomy sky. At least it felt the way she did inside. She was tired of facing Ma’s disappointed face, and she sat on the dirt outside with her face to the dark sky, wishing it would swallow her whole. Thunder rumbled, and the sky opened up at the same time she did. She sat there still, rain slapping away her tears as if to say ‘I’ve got more water here. Don’t waste yours’. It beat out her every smile, and when the sun finally came out, Grandma’s voice disappeared.